Is it important enough?- if so, take responsibility & take Action!
OK, so I hear yo saying, yeah, yeah, yeah Laura … I have a goal Laura, but no motivation to achieve it. Firstly, we need to look at this goal of yours ….
- Is it the right goal?
- Is it compelling enough for you?
- Does it have a big enough ‘why’ or reason to achieve it?
- What will achieving the goal get for you?
- What are the consequences of not achieving it?
- Are their other ‘methods’ that you could use to achieve the desired outcome?
- How badly do I you really want it? – if the answer is I’m not really that bothered, my advice is go and focus on something else!
If something really is important to you, you need to take responsibility, you need to do something, take some action! Tad James created the 5 Principles for Success and in there is says to be successful you need to (1) know what you want and (2) take action! He goes on to say that you need to know if what you’re doing is working, and guess what if it’s not, he says be flexible and find another way to get your goal.
External Motivation: ‘Drains’ or a ‘Radiators’??
I was reminded this week of a Managing Director I worked with in the early part of my career. I remember us chatting one day about motivation and how others can impact on our motivation and energy level, if we let them. Its a concious choice you have to take. He said to me that in life, there are two types of people, Radiators and Drains!
‘Radiators’ are people who radiate energy, positivity and who spur us on. ‘Drains’ on the other than drain us of energy, motivation and zap our pizzazz! If you want others to help spur you on, you need to hang our with ‘Radiators’ and limit time as much as possible with the ‘Drains’. A lot of people complain of being tired all the time an not having the energy to do the things they love. Well, metaphorically if you’ve been pouring your energy into relationships, businesses or workplaces full of ‘Drains’ you’ll have nothing left for you, your family and the achievement of your goals and dreams.
Aby Moore from YouBabyMeMummy has some tips on how to spot the drains from what she has learned over the years. “They are overly negative, self-absorbed. They’re more prone to gossip and drama than adding anything helpful to the world. The next step would be to not get drawn in.”
RonaLynn Fitzpatrick, Founder of Gong Bath Meditations, says of the effect of ‘Drains’: ““Since everything is energy, it’s understandable that other people affect our motivation and emotions. Sometimes the effects are obvious, like when your boss or co-worker yells at you. The impact of such an attack not only affect your emotional state; it causes a physiological response in your body. You can feel as though you were kicked in the gut as the energy of the other person blasts you with their assault.
However, there are more subtle exchanges that often run below our conscious awareness. Some people have difficulty expressing their true feelings and emotions , and their communication will often reflect subtle messages. So while we hear their words, the intelligence of our body picks up energy that they are having difficulty expressing. The result of this exchange is that we feel confused or paranoid, depending on the intensity of the inauthentic communication.
The best way to manage energy is to recognize and voice our boundaries. We can be assertive and kind by reminding our self and others about what behavior is acceptable. When we are uncertain about communication, a direct and considerate inquiry to check in with the other individual will often put them at ease and allow them safely express themselves.
The most important skill is being mindful of the stories we tell our self about the intentions and behavior of other people. It’s always best to question our judgments and assumptions and remind our self that we have full control of how we react to circumstances and manage our energy.”
David Black adds: “I believe that other people can affect our energy levels, without even interacting with us. Einstein himself, in his famous equation of from E=mc2, demonstrated that energy is equivalent with matter.
“The phrase “A psychic vampire” has become common to describe a living person who “drains” others emotionally, leaving them tired and without energy.
“Some ancient Eastern spiritual systems have a belief that energy travels throughout our body along lines
similar to the way blood flows throughout our bodies via veins. The Chinese practice of Acupuncture deals with these energy flows. Some of these lines cross over others, and in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism, there is a belief that there are 7 main places where many of these lines crossing over form a nexus. These are referred to as chakras. Each one has a different type of energy. They are often represented in diagrams as a circle.
“It’s believed that these actually spin and when rotating one way, they emit energy, and when rotating the opposite, they suck in energy. In this belief system, people both give and receive energy to each other unconciously.
Sometimes, when people are depressed or have anxiety, it is believed by some practitioners that they have a blocked chakra. Instead of the spinning of the chakra reversing on occassion, it is just spinning one way
and sucking energy from others and making them feel sick and drained.
I wont attest to this being factual, but I do believe it is possible.”
Speaking from a resilient psychology perspective, Shane Warren notes: “I think we all have a bit of both radiator and drain within us, but lifetime programming has created one to be the dominate voice in our heads. Don’t stress we all have voices in our heads, its how we explain the world around us… what we need to look at though is what are those messages we are telling ourselves and how well do they work in the moment. So ask yourself is this a time for caution and bit of focus on the negative here, or is this a time to let ourselves run free and just go with what is happening in full excitement and enthusiasm?
Nimisha Brahmbhatt, an independent management consultant who works with FTSE 500 companies, says: “it is inevitable that you will come across both characters in the workplace… and before you jump on the band wagon of making the drain the ‘bad guys’ and the radiator ‘the good guys’, the first step is always to remember a drain is usually the type of personality that had some unresolved internal issues which make them the ‘negative nancy’ of the workplace.
“The best method to address a ‘drain’ would be to spend some time observing and reflecting on their behaviour, which will often times show you what is it that triggers their negative behaviours. It could be aspects that happen in the workplace but equally things that are going on in their personal life that they then bring to the workplace. In my experience, honesty is always the best policy. If they are open to a conversation, as a manager I would highly recommend sitting down with them to truly understand why they are like that. Be calm yet assertive with your point of view and remember the key here is to keep everything fact based, no emotions, as this is clearly what ‘drains’ feed off. Be sure to find a gentle way of showing them how their actions are affecting the morale or productivity of the entire team.”
Carmen Williams of strategic action consulting adds “People often say that ‘time is money’, but it is not ‘energy is money’. They say that you are an average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. It is for that reason that I urge my clients to consider who they are spending time with and focus on if they feel more energised after being with them or not. If not, then try to limit contact. If limited contact is not an option there are some reframing strategies that you can utilise.”
Stress is something that is usually associated with drains and the guys at Morgan Lovell recently put together a great piece on reducing stress levels within the office space and how to counteract it.
If you do indeed, find yourself being a ‘drain’ then look yourself in the mirror and question how you’ve allowed that to happen and more importantly take responsibility and decide what are you going to do to change it? – what could you do to re-energise yourself and find your mojo!
Get Motivated: take responsibility and ask your ‘Radiators’ to help you!
Assuming you are focused on a goal that is important to you (see above) and that you are willing to take responsibility, then find your ‘radiators’ and spend time with them! Find one of them who you would NEVER break a promise to and tell them about your goal and over a cuppa chat about what you can do to achieve it. Feed off their positivity, their can do attitude and their desire to help you. Agree some actions, promise them what you’re going to do (because you’d never break a promise to them!) and GO DO IT!!!
Get Motivated! – want some *Free* Motivation Training?
This month, the people who get our monthly newsletter received a completely free 15 minute training video from Laura about improving their motivation (last month included tips of improving presentation skills and the month before provided tips for reducing stress and pressure – all really valuable stuff). Want to get even more motivated? – click below to access this then simply click below and register to be on our mailing list. We’ll then send you the training …
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